RingRingRing! School's in session!
Sep. 3rd, 2007 10:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
breoaigitI'm fairly certain the last month has happened in both slow motion and on high speed dubbing all at once. Don't ask me how. It just did. Grandma did indeed move in, and we've gotten most everything settled/unpacked/put in storage, depending on what needed to be done. She's letting me use this lovely huge shelving unit in my classroom...yay! On her health front, that's a mixed bag. The PET scan showed -no- tumors in her stomach/liver/pancreas. Yay! There is a large-ish one in her groin area, but it's essentially dormant and has been there for ages. The doc isn't worried. He's sending her for an endoscopy for stomach pain though, and a brain MRI for a small lesion the PET scan revealed on her brain. Dunno what that is yet, so we're a bit worried. She regained a good five pounds since her last appointment, though, so I'm -very- happy about that. All in all, the prognosis is lots, lots better than we originally thought.
School has started! My god, I'm already exhausted. Because we got a 2nd art teacher, we have smaller class sizes, mostly between 20 and 25. Yay! The price to pay for this, though, is that rather than have 12 weeks total with each group, I have only 9 weeks total. YAGH! I have to smoosh 12 weeks of curriculum into 9 weeks? Egads! Okay, not the end of the world. The most difficult part is 4th grade, with whom I used that last 3 weeks to teach recorders. Now I've got to figure a way to get that into this 9 weeks, order the recorders for them, and let them have a vocal concert on top of it. Uh-huh. So I'm going to just combine their recorder/vocal stuff, stretch it out to the last five weeks, and condense the material. It's not ideal, but ah-well. What is?
What's suffering in all this chaos? My social life. Or more appropriately, what social life? Heh. I miss my friends badly. Thank god we've got gaming today, or I'd probably wibble away. I don't even remember to log onto AIM most of the time, honestly, even in the smidgen of time I get on my computer in the evenings after everything is done. Taking care of my grandmother isn't as complicated as taking care of a child, but the constant concern and continuous care was a huge shock to me. I was utterly blindsided by the sheer enormity of it after about 2 weeks. I'm recovering from that meltdown and getting into a groove, but bear with me everyone. I'm still in a steep learning curve of how to adjust to this new lifestyle. I miss you guys. You know who you are.
A lady who is very dear to me recently lost her husband to suicide. The day she posted about it on her blog, I stared in horror for several moments, then burst into tears. I was useless the rest of the night. I had only met this man a handful of times, but I respected him immensely. He was a middle school theatre teacher who inspired his students far into their adult lives. His wife had compared my teaching style to his on numerous occassions, and it flattered me a great deal. I could only dream of being the teacher this man was. And yet...he purposefully left his wife. His family. His students.
Why? How is this possible? What kind of pain can convince someone their own death will improve the world in any way? I have never pitied anyone who killed themselves or especially those who attempted it. It only makes me angry, incredibly furiously angry. And yet I cannot find it in my heart to be angry with this man. I am deeply disappointed by the grief he's left his wife. She was always like a second mother to me at the theatre. I did the music direction of a show her son was in, and he's a delightful kid. I just keep asking why, and I keep getting no answers. I'm doing a lot of prayer and meditation focused on my friend and her son though, trying to send them peace and warmth, protection even. I'm not sure what else I can do. I'm so thankful she has a huge support network that have appeared out of the woodwork at this. The one thing I've observed about this in general is that suicide solves nothing. Nothing. It only creates huge waves of problems and pain. If any of you who managed to read through this morass ever seriously consider it? Get help. Get help immediately. Tell someone...anyone who loves you. And there are. We all, every one of us, have people who love us. Please rely on that.
And I'm still asking why.
But life goes on. His widow is dealing with tons of administrative stuff, and she keeps going. I am in awe of her strength through this, even in the fragility of her feelings.
And me, who barely knew him? I'll keep teaching, and hope maybe I can reach some of the kids the way he did. But today...today I'm going to Chick-Fil-A and gaming. There has to be balance. All life is balance.
School has started! My god, I'm already exhausted. Because we got a 2nd art teacher, we have smaller class sizes, mostly between 20 and 25. Yay! The price to pay for this, though, is that rather than have 12 weeks total with each group, I have only 9 weeks total. YAGH! I have to smoosh 12 weeks of curriculum into 9 weeks? Egads! Okay, not the end of the world. The most difficult part is 4th grade, with whom I used that last 3 weeks to teach recorders. Now I've got to figure a way to get that into this 9 weeks, order the recorders for them, and let them have a vocal concert on top of it. Uh-huh. So I'm going to just combine their recorder/vocal stuff, stretch it out to the last five weeks, and condense the material. It's not ideal, but ah-well. What is?
What's suffering in all this chaos? My social life. Or more appropriately, what social life? Heh. I miss my friends badly. Thank god we've got gaming today, or I'd probably wibble away. I don't even remember to log onto AIM most of the time, honestly, even in the smidgen of time I get on my computer in the evenings after everything is done. Taking care of my grandmother isn't as complicated as taking care of a child, but the constant concern and continuous care was a huge shock to me. I was utterly blindsided by the sheer enormity of it after about 2 weeks. I'm recovering from that meltdown and getting into a groove, but bear with me everyone. I'm still in a steep learning curve of how to adjust to this new lifestyle. I miss you guys. You know who you are.
A lady who is very dear to me recently lost her husband to suicide. The day she posted about it on her blog, I stared in horror for several moments, then burst into tears. I was useless the rest of the night. I had only met this man a handful of times, but I respected him immensely. He was a middle school theatre teacher who inspired his students far into their adult lives. His wife had compared my teaching style to his on numerous occassions, and it flattered me a great deal. I could only dream of being the teacher this man was. And yet...he purposefully left his wife. His family. His students.
Why? How is this possible? What kind of pain can convince someone their own death will improve the world in any way? I have never pitied anyone who killed themselves or especially those who attempted it. It only makes me angry, incredibly furiously angry. And yet I cannot find it in my heart to be angry with this man. I am deeply disappointed by the grief he's left his wife. She was always like a second mother to me at the theatre. I did the music direction of a show her son was in, and he's a delightful kid. I just keep asking why, and I keep getting no answers. I'm doing a lot of prayer and meditation focused on my friend and her son though, trying to send them peace and warmth, protection even. I'm not sure what else I can do. I'm so thankful she has a huge support network that have appeared out of the woodwork at this. The one thing I've observed about this in general is that suicide solves nothing. Nothing. It only creates huge waves of problems and pain. If any of you who managed to read through this morass ever seriously consider it? Get help. Get help immediately. Tell someone...anyone who loves you. And there are. We all, every one of us, have people who love us. Please rely on that.
And I'm still asking why.
But life goes on. His widow is dealing with tons of administrative stuff, and she keeps going. I am in awe of her strength through this, even in the fragility of her feelings.
And me, who barely knew him? I'll keep teaching, and hope maybe I can reach some of the kids the way he did. But today...today I'm going to Chick-Fil-A and gaming. There has to be balance. All life is balance.
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no subject
Date: 2007-09-03 03:12 pm (UTC)Hugs for the school year, the kids, the squished recorder lessons, your friend and your grandmother.
And enjoy Chick-Fil-A! Ummmm, chicken and pickles on a bun.........mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-03 03:18 pm (UTC)Although for me? Nuggets. With Polynesian sauce. Mmmmmmmm.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-03 03:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-03 03:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-03 04:57 pm (UTC)I once saw a sign in my high school. There were a few of them scattered around, just pieces of brightly coloured paper taped up. This one said, 'I am a part of all I have met'. I wrote it down and I try to remember it. It's very true. You may have only met someone once, smiled at them, said a kind word, but what you did will stay with them. And once you're gone, that will affect them, and it will bring great pain to them. And that just sucks, and it's a sucky thing to do to people.